I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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