I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
