I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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