the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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