So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
