Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
