My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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