you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
