please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
