its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
