sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
