I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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