After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
