Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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