I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
