My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
