this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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