Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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