We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
