Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to