he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go