Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
