There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"