I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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