What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think my moral compass just broke
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
