drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
