DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
