With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
