Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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