You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
