I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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