you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
