In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
