I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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