I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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