I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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