I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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