from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She needs sedatives and a leash
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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