I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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