In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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