My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
