names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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