Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
