Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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