college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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