someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
