I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
