"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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