i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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