so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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