what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
