Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
