So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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