Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
