New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
