dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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