A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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