I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
