TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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