I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
