apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
