I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
