Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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