NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think your dad took our porno
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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