it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
