I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
