can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
