She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
