his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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