It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
