I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
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Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
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Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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