I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
