I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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