Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
