Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
