Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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