I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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