Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
