I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
