is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
