I didn't shave. On purpose
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
