she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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