So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
