I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
